October 30, 2014

Job Of The Month: Sales Representative - Dealing In Humanoid Robots

This job stood out from the rest, when it arrived via email, courtesy of Seek.com. If you've got both people skills, and "robot person" skills, and would love a job of the future NOW ...then this one's for you. 

Where and who?

The Brainary® currently has a dream position available for a suitably qualified and experienced sales representative selling the NAO humanoid robot to schools, TAFE's, universities, libraries and healthcare providers. Applicants must be computer literate, have driving license. Prior experience with robots not required.


You'll be a hit at parties when you tell people what you do.

October 16, 2014

Parliamentary Porn Ring Reveals Sir Les Patterson In Da House

Is it only me that's flabbergasted with our esteemed(?) State Government Parliamentarians (Victorian by name and nature), and the laissez-faire acceptance of the unique lending circle they've had going at the (very)Parisian end of Melbourne's Spring Street?!  Or, am I just a daggy prude who doesn't belong in this digitally stuffed century? Out of step? I don't think so! But ignorance is bliss!

Ironically, it's an (ex)Freedom of Information aficionado, who - since March 2013 - is sacked and unemployed, from dubious parliamentary "file sharing" activity. He's subsequently suing State government for unfair dismissal. And why? It arose from his alternative job description ....Being sole caretaker, curator/innovator/facilitator - of a pseudo-library or "stash" in an open desk drawer in his office - of hardcore sexually explicit movies. Any surprises there?

However, why can't those sleazy well-paid bogans be content like we women, with sharing around copies of Downton Abbey, New Tricks, and Midsomer Murders ....or, Masters Of Sex if they want to go down that path?

Over time, former State parliament employee (and FOI expert), Don Coulson, established the select collection, contained on USB sticks, which he made available to in-house "member" colleagues. He referred to those in the know, and in "the club" as "porn appreciators" (aka parliamentarians/MPs, and associated staffers). Delightful!!  

“But it’s not illegal, features animals and grannies ... but no children,” Says Coulson – the entrepreneurial “librarian" of porn-gate. So that makes it all fine and dandy ....and business as usual then? Terrific.

Though I guess things could be worse ....Someone could be snaffling bulk items from the stationery cupboard. Or, using the parliamentary photocopier to print their wedding invitations, or after-hours images of their buttocks? Or, like most people, he could have been keeping a stash of Mars bars and Polly Waffles in his office drawer, and making himself and his co-workers fat.

Coulson said he did not think the swapping of sexually explicit material in a government office was inappropriate, "provided it's not done officially and doesn't utilise government resources". His exact words. What the fruitcake?

Coulson adds, "if you become an elected official you don't become celibate." Oh really. And what other boring BS does he have to tell us? Clearly State Parliament's Code of Conduct was written by Sir Les Patterson ....and perhaps needs revising?

In recent times, as a misplaced, unemployed librarian, I've forwarded one or three applications to Victoria’s parliament, hoping to land a job in the library there.  Never got an answer.  Obviously not perceived as hot enough.  Maybe I should have attached something 3D with my CV? Any tips Eric Abetz, and Joe? .... [et al]?? Do I need to make a mental note of this for future job applications?

I've also relatively recently, been on a couple of tours of the library service there ... part of my “continuing lifelong education”.

Everything, was gloriously Victorian - from the toilets (yes really!) ....to the wood panelled walls, 24-carat gold-leaf detailing,
 19th century velvet sofas, and glistening crystal chandelier - which hangs majestically over the library reading area. All visually gorgeous ....But, we were told - that monstrous light fitting was a bitch to clean.

The guide showed us around the place, outlining the nuances of running a top notch parliamentary information service. I was bedazzled. And we even got a peek at a 15th century renaissance tome, held there. It was really impressive. And I so so wanted to get a job there ....even if it was just cleaning the chandelier, and putting a little Marveer on the bannisters.

However, as of yesterday, who would have imagined that in conjunction with the official library – the parliament’s one-time, so-called FOI Strategist, had been value-adding information services – with a clandestine, limited access, hardcore pornography lending ring? And, at the last count, it apparently involved up to a dozen ministerial "subscribers" - including advisers, MPs and a minister. Really? Wonder who it was/is? And what a swell party they must have all been having. And did they discuss this aspect of Coulson's role at his last performance appraisal?

And so, as the impact of the Ebola virus hardens its grip on the world, and the burqa ban loses momentum over at Federal parliament ....I seriously think it wouldn’t be such a bad idea - for Victoria's female, parliamentary employees - to make the burqa their uniform du jour, as a united protest against the condoning of porn-gate and associated hypocrisies in their workplace. 

Meanwhile, revelations of the little inter-parliamentary-porn-lending-service, seem a mere hiccup to our privileged powers that be. Yes it's apparently all NORMAL and just part of a typical MP's day in the office fish bowl ....for the blokey blokes that is. So long as it's not classified as illegal - shouldn't be a problem they say. Delightful.

Tell that to their underwhelmed female colleagues, and any year ten schoolboy, who knows he can get instantly expelled for participating in the same activity. Meantime, I wonder what Coulson's replacement staffer circulates from the bottom drawer in his office, now that the parliamentary porn collection is no longer. Love to know that ...athough remaining ignorant is bliss.


September 26, 2014

Spotlight on .... George Clooney and THAT wedding!

The weeks bad news gives me a good excuse to divert attention, with a snap of George Clooney - in all his gorgeous Hollywood idol splendour. And as I write this he'll be so getting married!

Here's pending wife #2. But as if we don't know that already?

She's got the look, weight requirements, teeth gap and age precision - I mean age gap requirement, and precision teeth. You know what I mean. And of course, voluminous Amy Winehouse hair (extensions?), brilliant eye brows, fluency in three languages, law degree... and bloke on a rope.  As for George ...we know what he's got.

It's all too much for me! ...  I'm off to eat a soothing, medicinal tub of frutti di bosco gelato. Which is what Ms. Alamuddin should be doing, as George says she's getting a bit too skinny. 

The betrothal is taking place at beautiful Ca' Farsetti, a 14th century Venetian palace (pictured below) ... Former home of Mr and Mrs Farsetti, and now the town hall.

The Clooneys will live here.

And I live here.

So pass me another tub of the frutti di bosco. PLEASE!

But enough about me. Wedding preparations include closed public access to areas and waterways surrounding the town hall, where ceremony #1 is to be held. 

Locally however, there are some prenuptial grumbles over the disruption and ostentatious display of wealth in times of economic crisis. Indeed, some locals are getting a little irritated. 

Angered by the possible closure of the Grand Canal to all traffic, Vittorio, a 56-year-old gondolier says neither he nor his colleague have got any work out of the wedding. And they don't expect to ...any time soon.

“Clooney’s not bringing us bread for our tables,” said 16-year-old Viviana, “coming here with all his nice money while we can’t find jobs.”


August 24, 2014

The Week Ahead In Pictures . . .

.... Bill Shorten earnestly considers heading over there, away from the media glare - for some Icelandic "me time." It's either that - or spending quality time at home (AWOL) decluttering his over-stuffed closet.

And with the budget in emergency mode, Joe Hockey considers the feasibility of a VPL (Visible Panty Line) levy. It could be the one desperate and untried measure, that  reigns in the dollars needed to cover PPL, and other LOL reforms and initiatives.

                                         Early VPL adopters endorse it...

And still reeling from recent media malfunctions and subsequent conniptions ....in dire need of a makeover that reflects the government's new brand -Team Australia - Joe Hockey looks to Hollywood's A-Team for inspiration.


So could this be the prototype of a newly manscaped, and sensitive bro-Joe?

Or, perhaps a Postman Pat makeunder ...is the obvious solution?